July 17, 2012

instead of tweeting

i had this sudden urge to tweet my life problems away, but decided against it, and hey, better to blog about it right?

alhamdullilah, my friends and i had officially graduated from MMU just last week. it's a relief to know that we can all graduate together. there was doubt(s) of that happening earlier this year.

however, i think i am personally going through some stupid cycle that i don't exactly know what to call. job-seeker-dilemma? empty-nest syndrome? (referring to my usrah kids, haha) active-kid-turned-dormant?

seriously it's bugging me. i REALLY REALLY want to get a job and start helping my parents. my brother will be going to UM this september. he is studying applied geology (after my careful ministration of what his options can be), one of my few many sub-interest. (few many? who am i kidding?)

ok, back to what's bugging me. as stated previously, job seeking happened to be a painful process for me in particular, perhaps because i have high hopes. maybe i should lower(?) my hopes? eh?

not so sure about that.

besides that, i'm physically melting away. my stamina is similar to that of an old lady's. i get tired too easily.

i'm planning to start my daily walk again. this is the awkward moment when i wish my house is strategically located at taman aun say or one of those which are just some steps away from our beautiful lake garden.

did i tell you how beautiful taiping lake garden is? everytime i drive through there, i cry. no kidding. just because it's too pretty. 

ok back to the original topic.

what i really wanted to share is what my friend told me after i told her of my misery. here's what she told me;

'maybe this is one of His test for you.

He wants to see how much effort you will put in to ask it from Him.

the more you want something, the greater the test will be.'

Subhanallah. it totally hit me like a train. what she said was perfectly true, and I was stunned there for quite a while.

what i can reflect about is how my concentration level in ibadah has gone down since the last 2 weeks (like from 70% to 5%, terrifying, i know T_T). i see that as one of the reason for me being pathetic and hopeless for the last two week. 

turn to Allah. He is the Ever-Lasting, none but Him. and everything else will come your way, insha Allah. now go search for maher zain's insha-Allah lyrics, if you are feeling hopeless like i did.


InkFlow said...

my ibadah levels went down as well. T___T Feeling like crap because of that. Like last week I missed 3 prayers due to sleep and today I woke up late for subuh. I also read the Quran less.

Plus it feels easier to succumb to worldly things wen u dun have usrah. T_T

Hope Allah shows u the right path and hope u have better days ahead of u. ;)

niksan said...

Salam adik dan Adik Adyla,

I'm going through the same process as you guys as well. Almost the same, the ibadah levels, the over-frustrating feeling towards yourself.

But it's just part of the process to adapt to "the new life" that you are having.

Fight it! With all your will. Decide what you what, and focus.

And always always always pray. The harder it seems, the more we will appreciate them once we got them. Kemanisan kesusahan? IDK. Maybe.

Kak Ain :)