June 29, 2017

what is in your hand?

perhaps, the most important questions you'll be asked in your life are;

  • what is that your hand possessed?
  • what are you doing with what you have been given?
in the Quran, Allah once asked Prophet Musa (Moses):

And what is that in your right hand, O Moses?

and then he answered:
It is my staff; I lean upon it, and I bring down leaves for my sheep and I have therein other uses.
in his ted talk video, rick warren says that, the staff represents 3 things about Musa:

  1.  his identity. he was a shepherd. a symbol of his occupation.
  2. his income.
  3. symbol of his influence (if you have ever read the story, the staff later was turned into a serpent, by the will of Allah, and help Musa convince the Israelis to worship the one and only God)

the purpose of influence is to speak up for those who have no influence.

ok nak ckp tu je. kau berhenti la jadi manusia tak guna yang perangai asyik cari salah orang lain tu.

*disclaimer: old post that was sitting lonely in the draft.*

June 24, 2017

a little piece of my heart

i thought of keeping this little piece here, so that i can remember it always, together with everything that is behind it...

"Ya Allah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim, keep us both ya Allah, away from pettiness. Let us be thoughtful in our words and deeds. Help us Ya Allah, to put away pretence and face each other in deep trust without fear or self pity. Help us Ya Allah, to guard ourselves from fault finding and be quick to discover the best in each other in every situation.

Guard us away Ya Allah, from ill temper and hasty judgement and encourage us to take time for all things, and be calm, gentle and serene. Help us Ya Allah, to be generous with kind words and compliments. Teach us Ya Allah never to ignore, never to hurt and never to take each other for granted.

Ya Allah, engrave charity and kindness in our hearts. Assist us Ya Allah, to be the best example for our children, and guide us so that we''ll be able to raise them as leaders, who will lead others to the straight path.

May Allah help us to stay true on the straight path, and may Allah protect us away from our own wrongdoings and transgression. May Allah help us to stay grounded and rooted.

May Allah grant us steadfastness and preserverance in every thing we pursue in life, and be people of success and values that others can look up to.

And lastly, assist and allow us Ya Allah, be the enabler for each other to enter Jannah."

it's the night of Syawal today, may Allah grant us another month full of blessings and good deeds.

June 8, 2017


if only you understand.

p/s: only to illustrate, of course i prayed to Allah instead. tee-hee.

June 7, 2017

spektrum yang kelabu dan persoalan retorikal

yesterday i injured my weaker arm again, after falling (surprised?) sprayed on the ground, due to misstep and slippery walkway. injury is nearby the spot it has been previously fractured. now it is swollen and is partially useless. my feet is a pain to walked on too.

hello again to driving with only one arm. i should qualify to some award for this feat. 

adding salt to injury, the attitude my car displayed is frustrating, keeps refusing to start at the first 10 tries. albeit perfectly fine battery.

remembering previous injury which was 10x more painful and tear inducing, it brings me into a reflection that some pains are more tolerable than others. you have to accept it no matter what. 

the same is with life. there are lines. in life, there are plenty of fine lines. some lines, when crossed, will bring pain to you or those who matters. but how far can you cross it without inflicting pain on yourself (or others)? and how deep can the pain

in between what's right, or what is wrong.

in between deciding, whether something is still worth fighting for, or it's time to let go.

in between acceptance of abused trust and the motives behind it, or just walking away.

you have to learn how to accept and choose your destiny, because sometimes, you can only do so much about it.

and someone once told me, always be the water that softens the stone, over time. be like the sea of Galilee. it gives and lives.

May 22, 2017


i do wonder if anyone is still reading this dusty old blog. have pretty much been posting what's inside my heart rather than useful things or trying to inspire others to chase their dream, or being a feminist. (no worries, very much still a feminist with a something's gotta give flair)

(ok fine, there was only 2 new posts for the past 3 years.)

ramadhan is nearing so it's that time of the year again! the last time i lost 7 kg and never gain it back. and with current state of affairs, it will probably be difficult to maintain a healthy BMI. adds into the equation some serious lost of appetite and boom, let's see how this goes. hopefully my heart can come out stronger than its pre-ramadhan state. 

you can see how much sense i'm making. also i was re-reading some of the old posts here and trying not to crawl under the blanket, for some aspirations that are still hanging around, waiting for me to shine it again and again. also noticed some grave grammatical mistakes i cannot forgive my past self for. who am i kidding, I still couldn't accept myself for the caption that reads 'picture is tooken with yuin's camera's.' i mean dib, is tooken even a legitimate word any self respecting person would ever be caught dead writing? (my past self apparently, thinks it is)

i'm ending this post with another watery things I read today, cause, just because. it's a wonderdul feeling to rediscover beauty in a language you loved so very much, and i thank, applaud and support every aspiring Malay writers who are elegant and eloquent with words. each one of them, in their very own way is trying to put 'izzah back in our national language again.

"begitulah, kita sering dipatah-patahkan oleh orang yang paling kita cintai dan besok, sembuhnya juga kerana dia."

baca prosa penuh di pautan di bawah:


February 28, 2017


aku ingin berjalan bersamamu
dalam hujan dan malam gelap
tapi aku tak bisa melihat matamu

aku ingin berdua denganmu
di antara daun gugur
aku ingin berdua denganmu
tapi aku hanya melihat keresahanmu

aku menunggu dengan sabar
di atas sini, melayang-layang
tergoyang angin, menantikan tubuh itu

aku ingin berdua denganmu
di antara daun gugur
aku ingin berdua denganmu
tapi aku hanya melihat keresahanmu

-payung teduh

February 25, 2017

cinta itu perhambaan

last night i dreamt of you again. you were wearing a soft green shirt, you came back from somewhere, and you came to me and lie down beside me..

i don't think we talked..i just remembered watching you resting with a smile on your face, looking serene...and i was holding your arm, and then i woke up from my sleep...

in a split second, the pain begins to sets in again.