December 15, 2010


i remember how one day i walked into professional ethics tutorial with such gloomy mood and walk out of the class like nothing had been wrong with my life. our lecturer, Mr Hari, tends to have that effect on people. he will blurt out some non sense and we will all burst out laughing or giggling or chuckling. today he told us not to physically attack Dr Bhama because she will crush you. i think only those in the two front line heard what he said because we were the only one shaking with laughter.

this afternoon, while i was closing the window at my side of the table in the room, i took a deep breath, trying to take in as much air as possible. it was raining, the air was cold, fresh, but there was no real scent to the air. but it felt good in my lung.

i slept early last night wishing that i will wake up early this morning, just for the sake of waking up early in the morning, but i failed again. i am trying again tonight. i do wish to forgo this un-Muslim-ly attitude of sleeping after Subuh prayer. early birds gets the worms first, after all.

yesterday i was reading alice adventures in wonderland. i do find it a bit peculiar. while reading, i tried to relate what lewis caroll wrote to something significant. my friend said the book is about a child being thrown into an adult world. so far, i had read until the part where alice drank yet another potion that turn her into a giant size girl.

so far, i could only relate the story of alice meeting the rats and birds who are overly sensitive to adults sometimes being overly sensitive and introvert about things that they fear. the rest, well, i am still thinking.

today however, i am reading an entirely different book. the title is i capture the castle, written by dodie smith. the book is categorized under classic. this book is quite different from many books that i have read before. the entire book is actually a journal written by the main character, cassandra mortmain. (i really like her name, i mean the first name, the family name is quite dreadful) i am only 3/5 into the books, and the read had been interesting so far. some fact: the author wrote the hundred and one dalmatians story, which is quite famous i suppose. i also just found out a few seconds ago (while writing this and googling at the same time) that this book has a movie. now, i am looking forward to watch it after the read is over.

while at sisters' camp, i think i learn quite an important lesson of my life. no, nothing out of the ordinary happened. it is just that i realize the better you know a person, you get more of the person. you really gets to find out more good qualities as well as bad qualities about the person. but somehow, you know, the particular quality is just so annoying (in my case intensified at the heat of the moment) it sometimes gets to your head and starts giving you funny ideas. so, i finally am admitting that my very good friend can be really annoying when she is in the kitchen. (now i am laughing while writing this, please don't kill me kitchen master, i am being honest) i am going to give myself a pat at the back because i did not snapped and managed to keep my temper checked. next time i will just mentally imagine how it would be and tell myself that it will be far worse if i am in gordon ramsay's kitchen.

i think the same applies in different type of relationships. couples who loved, get married and divorced. at first you just get the bed of roses. and then you realize you are being poked by the thorns. and when you get poked, you totally forgot about those roses. you focus on the pain the thorns are inflicting on you. not the sweet aromas the roses spread. and then you get divorced. so when you are angry, smile first, and then think of all the goodness of the other person.

the malay proverb catches the whole idea best 'kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga.

and no wonder they said put the first intention to everything you are doing as 'to please Allah first.

have you imagined what you will do if someone you love die? i had. i imagine what will happen if i lost my parents. it is very peculiar and odd imagining life without them. sometimes it is my siblings. i imagine what will happen if i lost my best friends. i imagine what will happen if aiman dies young. i know this is odd and rather not something anyone wants to imagine, but i remember the Prophet told us that we should remember death always. i think he not only meant death upon oneself, but also upon those surrounds you. i believe that one always have to be prepared mentally. i also believe that death is really the best motivation we can ask for. to be on your best behavior all the time, because who knows you might vanished the very next moment.

1 comment:

€ñÎġΜǎҜїŊġ™ said...

love the post.. :)

honestly the last section is an eye opener, in regards to death..

definitely can't imagine losing my family.. my world is going to be turned upside down, inside out definitely.