this is hard

i'm trying my best to follow the path i want to take here. that one step, is hard, but the next few steps, are just as tough.

dreams, they don't come easy. family and friends, please pray for me..and for yourself too.

and as for audit, the only think i can think of when preparing my audit WP is, if people are honest, all audit firms will be out of business.

apparently accountability is, not, the best policy in some companies.

4 months and some more to go.

i am staying sane by trying my best to find amusement wherever you can find one, when looking through companies accounts. honestly, it does help when you sometimes feels like you are wasting away your life doing something you don't truly believe in.

about the amusing oneself when auditing, well, like today, while looking through a co's documents, i saw a post-it note on one of the documents saying '...please take this document out of the file when sending it for audit..'

i can't help but crack a smile.

routine is the hallmark of civilization, so say lady danbury

to be honest, i did not expect this lack of ideas on what to write during my internship period. it is just that, my life has fall into a routine of which i'm comfortable to live with, and that means less time on laptop and more quality time with family and my books.

which also translate to any brilliant ideas passing through my mind will most probably pass by without being written down. and don't suggest writing them on paper to me, i usually need some sort of weird mood with all the conditions met (quoting jae suk 'the timing is now')

so yes, my spooky mood is here, just several thoughts i had during the week in a flash.

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truly? another fall from MACC building? one prominent politician was reported saying 'lepas ni, kalau nak pegi BPR, bawa kain putih siap-siap'

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i attended Syeikh Riad weekend courses. honestly i had never met another figure like him. he must be the most exciting religious teacher whose class i had attended. the man was standing on the table (mind you, the lecture hall table) when giving his talk. i'll insha Allah update on important lessons i had learned from the class when this weekend class is over.

it should be noted tho', one of my favorite from last week was when he recited the Ayatul Qursy poetry style. i don't think he meant to recite it that way (or maybe he was) but it was just AWESOME!!

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work wise, i'm getting quite comfortable with my job, but still the overwhelming love for it is just NOT THERE. i really like my the audit manager at our place, she is really cool and friendly. i also just found out that 3 staffs will be leaving by the end of the month. which led me to a very important question. lack of staffs when we are approaching peak period? Ya Allah, lindungilah kami!

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i have finally started reading in the footsteps of the prophet by tariq ramadan. insha Allah will be joining a discussion on the book in 2 weeks time. mr ramadan; you truly are a marvelous writer!!

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i don't understand people who watch dramas and complain that it is predictable. (psst: dearest cousins) the idiot box is turning out really idiot, with very little knowledge offering to its viewers, except for the rare case of very early in the morning, and very late in the night, where the real ilm' was discussed on air, and unfortunately, many human beings are most probably snoring comfortably on their bed.

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that being said, makes me ponder on this next thought. what exactly are the malays planning to achieve by filming and airing dramas with very little or no moral value at
all? some dramas are even showing (and in my opinion, promoting) the corrupted way of living, especially among the teens. are we not encouraging it by allowing this type of shows to play during prime time? a sad situation, really.

and as for islamic dramas. please... do the main hero all have to be polygamous? unfortunately, this genre usually carry the same plot. all pious Muslim men are polygamous.

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for God's sake.

tuesday

today, i left late for work, and was home early. this is what i called a wonderful day.

seriously, my ideas flows like water at inappropriate time, aka, working hours.

right now, i'm just a hopeless case trying to write something decent for this blog.

i went out last weekend with two of my enroaching old seniors. thank you for the company sis. and for that idea you had poisoned into my head.

i (will) try (really, i'm trying here) to write soon.

love,
adibah.

(since when do i end my post like that?)

tout ce qui brille n'est pas or

well, since i promised, and one day late at that.

so far, those invoices only inspires me to burn them in the deepest pit of hell instead of torching any 'hidden' interest within me.

i love my morning walk. only God knows the 1001 things that occurs to me during the walk. i shall call it my morning meditation walk.

i have develop a 'tendré' for cheese tart. i have also come out with a religious routine of eating the tart while reading my book every night before sleep. heaven. yes, every night.

today, i finally met a guy (i repeat, a guy) with absolutely no sense of direction on the road, that I, i mean, I, had to tell him the proper direction. never mind that i told him to take a wrong turn at first, i also single handedly managed to direct him back to the correct road. he is a colleague.

i dislike doing audit outside. KL traffics give me nasty headaches.

this internship thing has finally direct me into a line of thoughts. i really need to seriously start planning for what i must do after graduating. no more consequences be damned. i'll be damned if i let that happened instead.

i also think that me and my friends should have stick together at one audit firm to make this whole thing a bit bearable. since, i always ran out of polite conversation after 2 minutes. and who wants to hear my worldly rantings here? besides, silence only feels right when you are in the right companies.

life

my abandoned blog.

i miss you.

i promise i will update this weekend.

:)

why?

may i be so bold to ask, why do i have to find out about this air asia sales 30 minutes before the counter opens?

and may i be so bold to ask, why is my partner in crime who will be most open to this idea sick and unavailable on the very same day?

and may i be so bold to ask, why the is all the travelling date fell on our holidays?

really? God.

tell me You have better plans for me.

i will just put my faith in You.

i wish my exam answers was this long.

disclaimer: this post represents only a certain number of 'wise' Malaysian people and does not represent Malaysians in general. i use the word 'malaysians' just to ease my job of writing this.

if you are a malaysian, you should know that as far as we Malaysians are concerned, we like to discuss matters of absolute no great importance in a lengthy details even the newspapers are doing coverage of these issues. honestly i do not blame you The Stars, Berita Harian and all. the truth is good stories sell. and you want to sell your papers.

it is just that well, since tomorrow is Valentine Day, everybody (especially the Muslims) want to talk how evil and hideous are this celebration. from the Deputy Prime Minister to the commoner (me) wants to talk about it. the difference? one get his opinion published on a national level and one don't. ;)

wait, actually i do not want to talk about how evil and hideous this celebration is. i'll just make one statement about the celebration from Islamic point of views, and that is, the mainstream idea about what Valentine day is all about goes against the teachings of Islam unless you are a married couple. so there you go.

now, let's talk about we Malaysian Muslims, who goes all out to 'educate' and 'remind' the Muslims about how dangerous Valentine day is.

problem 1:

a guy from PAS youth (PAS youth divison is going to 'check and monitor' sinful activities at whatever area they had decided on) claims that valentine day end result is babies getting dumped in the trash bins. but think about it, with or without valentine day, out of wedlock babies are still being dumped in the trash bins, toilets or public places. so i suggest this guys to look into a more serious underlying issues here. why do this strayed souls decided to throw their babies away in the first place? because in Malaysia, the society (Malay Muslims) especially can be very unforgiving. some even denounce their children when they found out about the sins they had done. a strong society, ideally, should support these teenagers (i believe usually it is the teenagers or young adults who dump their newborns away) and help them recover their footings in the society.

in malaysia, raudhatus sakinah is doing a great job helping girls who had to go through these type of situation. the ladies and gentlemen behind the institution have my highest regard for what they are doing.

ok, i am not against the raid if it is done correctly. however, from what i read, it is just not right Islamically. i don't quite understand the reason why our morale police needs to spy on people, waiting behind bushes looking at illicit acts (is that not a sin?) and then when they have appropriate evidence (think hadith about 4 witness and zina) jump on the couples and arrest them. and by the way, how many ladies exactly are on these raid teams? i had heard of girls who got caught in these type of raids being treated immorally by the males. seriously, what the hell?

i agree, this might not be the case all the time, but these type of stories gets into the newspaper. the one about our morale polices breaking a couple before they went too far and giving nasihat to the couple before anything happened rarely find it's way into mainstream media. so what kind of ideas are we giving to our non-muslim friends?

i think as Muslims, we should understand that our most important job is to educate and spread da'wah to others. education is the key. once you have the knowledge, the how should you act on the knowldege should be left to the individual person. the choice is yours. to do or not to do.

what struck me when reading an article about this particular issue was what was said by a SIS rep;

"SIS urged PAS to focus on real issues affecting Muslim women such as backlog of cases in the Syariah courts.

Yasmin said SIS had cases where women waited for five years for their divorce cases, adding: “In the meantime, their husbands did not pay maintenance for them and their children.

There are also many cases where court-ordered nafkah (alimony) for children was not enforced. Men get away scot-free while women are left having to eke a living to feed their children.’’

truly, what happened to our priority? take care of the children first man!

problem 2: the christian celebration or the modern day commercialized celebration?

if you want to talk on the national TV, please, at least realize that whatever you say will be watched and scrutinized by other people, even when you are talking on a show that specifically talks about religion and social issue. when a famous lady figure in Malaysia openly made claims that Christians are the one who celebrate Valentine and Christians are the one commiting all sinful activities at club, you should brace yourself for the after effect. people are cruel and unforgiving, and the dear lady should know better about the history of Valentine day. so once Mr Valentine turned St Valentine got martyred and the people who holds him dear to their heart decided to celebrate his contribution to the society. this was a bazillion years ago. and by the way, it should also be noted that in the christian faith, there are many saints and these saints are usually exclusive to certain areas. the areas where they were once a respected social figure. and one of them happened to be Valentine and so once he was widely celebrated. but after some time, his stories was forgetten (but, no worry, wiki know it all!)

"The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer (famous for the Canterbury Tales, by the way, i hate the creepy story) in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished."

so, it is actually the Chaucer Day. Mr Chaucer turned it all into a lovey dovey thing. and thanks to the media (Chaucer was the media once) and Hollywood (i blame Hollywood for everything), we know the valentine day as what it is today. it has nothing to do with the actual St Valentine, and obviously nothing to do with the Christian faith. the poor man is probably turning in his grave everytime someone think it is his fault for what is happening today. and heck, he might be a good man, i mean, you don't grant sainthood to just anyone right?

by the way, harry valentine is not st valentine ok? he is just a cute guy from my favorite book.

please please please, keep it in your head that the modern valentine day is actually a damn effective marketing strategy to make people feel guilty about not loving their loved ones enough and that means going out to buy expensive (triple price!) flowers and gift to make it up to them. and all that entails after that. nothing to do with christianity.

blame it on hollywood. they really don't care. ;)

by the way, it is not just us Muslims who are against the mainstream idea of what constitute the valentine day, read this article to expand your horizon.

so what do i plan for the Valentine Day? call wani and sing her a 'Allah selamatkan kamu'. happy birthday dearest friend!

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single organization in possession of a bad debt, must be in want of a creative accountant.

now is one of those time when i get really bored and tired of my subjects (have i told you how i love them? either way drop a comment, i could go on forever on that particular subject)

and then, the idea of dropping out of school seems delicious.

there, now i can study properly.

fact

my spelling gets really messed up when i am chatting. lack of coordination, i say.

untitled

this morning, i braved myself to do an act of kindness. and i was not rewarded at all. my advance was rejected by this friend of ours. this is another case when i wondered, and wondered and wondered..

it is a public knowledge that today is the last day of the year 2010. which means, i am getting older. damn it all. and which also means, that our internship days is approaching fast. i will miss nunu,tyrah and adyla dearly. even though i am always emo-ing unnecessarily with this three people. haha, truly sorry gals. but emo i must. or i will be so unfriendly and hostile towards everyone.

jump to the next topic. i am listing all of my bad habits here today, so i can at least acknowledge their existence (hey, i know you are alive, but i want you dead) and do away with them.

1. egoistic with no purpose.

2. to admit that i do not know many things about certain issues and not give my two cents without strong facts.

3. i think this mean i need to shut up more.

4. always (jokingly) asking for a free lunch or dinner from my closest friends. this should stop.

5. do not know how to prioritize

6. hate 70% of what i learn in accounting. i must find a way to love them. i hope my internship days will serve it purpose well.

7. unnecessary emo-ing.

8. had became very unfriendly towards everyone new since two months ago.

9. need to know how to spend less of my money at bookstores.need to know how to finish one book at a time, and not start on a new book until i am done with the one i am reading.

10. to think before talking.

11. to speak up when necessary. (which, i don't do often, mostly because i am just scared to voice opinion)

12. to stop slothing.

13. to stay awake after subuh.

14. to keep my cool in the middle of a heated discussion, with my family especially.

i am getting frustrated just writing this.

but i am in for a change.

men and women

i don't think i have seen men and women more at odds than i had today. you know, there was some situation at a meeting today.

sometimes i wonder if some men just don't see the that sometimes they just need to listen and shut up when a female is at the edge of breaking down to tears. especially when you had no clue to what is happening in the first place. JUST SHUT UP. a woman who went berserk not because she wants to, or because that's what women do. some situation warrants it. or should i say, some men warrant it.

and sometimes i wonder if women are capable of discussing things rationally when they are overwhelmed with emotions. (i know i can't, i will probably start shouting and ended up crying, and regretting losing control all at the same time)

interesting that. this thing called life.

an overall weird encounter

i think i had a rather weird week. actually, it is more the weekend. we had a binding camp for our club committees.

i remember all i wanted to do when we came back was to cry myself to sleep.

i don't.

i don't understand you. i don't understand why you think it is fine to crush others spirit. because you don't go around crushing others spirit and faith.

i don't understand why you wish others misery that you had to go through. when you know how painful it was.

and i certainly find it fascinating when you wished it upon your own kind.

i don't understand why you think it is fine to blame another person for something that has yet to happen.

i don't understand why are you still holding grudges. when it was never worth it.

i don't know if you think you are doing yourself any good when you choose to react negatively to everything.

i don't know if you think by putting all the fault on somebody else will fix the situation.

i don't know if you think money can buy love. i hope you don't.

i don't know if you know you are doing this all wrong. i hope one day you will come to see it.

i will win this battle. but i will win it clean, i will not crush you the way you did me.

because i know you don't know what you were doing.

imagine

i remember how one day i walked into professional ethics tutorial with such gloomy mood and walk out of the class like nothing had been wrong with my life. our lecturer, Mr Hari, tends to have that effect on people. he will blurt out some non sense and we will all burst out laughing or giggling or chuckling. today he told us not to physically attack Dr Bhama because she will crush you. i think only those in the two front line heard what he said because we were the only one shaking with laughter.

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this afternoon, while i was closing the window at my side of the table in the room, i took a deep breath, trying to take in as much air as possible. it was raining, the air was cold, fresh, but there was no real scent to the air. but it felt good in my lung.

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i slept early last night wishing that i will wake up early this morning, just for the sake of waking up early in the morning, but i failed again. i am trying again tonight. i do wish to forgo this un-Muslim-ly attitude of sleeping after Subuh prayer. early birds gets the worms first, after all.

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yesterday i was reading alice adventures in wonderland. i do find it a bit peculiar. while reading, i tried to relate what lewis caroll wrote to something significant. my friend said the book is about a child being thrown into an adult world. so far, i had read until the part where alice drank yet another potion that turn her into a giant size girl.

so far, i could only relate the story of alice meeting the rats and birds who are overly sensitive to adults sometimes being overly sensitive and introvert about things that they fear. the rest, well, i am still thinking.

today however, i am reading an entirely different book. the title is i capture the castle, written by dodie smith. the book is categorized under classic. this book is quite different from many books that i have read before. the entire book is actually a journal written by the main character, cassandra mortmain. (i really like her name, i mean the first name, the family name is quite dreadful) i am only 3/5 into the books, and the read had been interesting so far. some fact: the author wrote the hundred and one dalmatians story, which is quite famous i suppose. i also just found out a few seconds ago (while writing this and googling at the same time) that this book has a movie. now, i am looking forward to watch it after the read is over.

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while at sisters' camp, i think i learn quite an important lesson of my life. no, nothing out of the ordinary happened. it is just that i realize the better you know a person, you get more of the person. you really gets to find out more good qualities as well as bad qualities about the person. but somehow, you know, the particular quality is just so annoying (in my case intensified at the heat of the moment) it sometimes gets to your head and starts giving you funny ideas. so, i finally am admitting that my very good friend can be really annoying when she is in the kitchen. (now i am laughing while writing this, please don't kill me kitchen master, i am being honest) i am going to give myself a pat at the back because i did not snapped and managed to keep my temper checked. next time i will just mentally imagine how it would be and tell myself that it will be far worse if i am in gordon ramsay's kitchen.

i think the same applies in different type of relationships. couples who loved, get married and divorced. at first you just get the bed of roses. and then you realize you are being poked by the thorns. and when you get poked, you totally forgot about those roses. you focus on the pain the thorns are inflicting on you. not the sweet aromas the roses spread. and then you get divorced. so when you are angry, smile first, and then think of all the goodness of the other person.

the malay proverb catches the whole idea best 'kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga.

and no wonder they said put the first intention to everything you are doing as 'to please Allah first.

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have you imagined what you will do if someone you love die? i had. i imagine what will happen if i lost my parents. it is very peculiar and odd imagining life without them. sometimes it is my siblings. i imagine what will happen if i lost my best friends. i imagine what will happen if aiman dies young. i know this is odd and rather not something anyone wants to imagine, but i remember the Prophet told us that we should remember death always. i think he not only meant death upon oneself, but also upon those surrounds you. i believe that one always have to be prepared mentally. i also believe that death is really the best motivation we can ask for. to be on your best behavior all the time, because who knows you might vanished the very next moment.

lancelot, gwaine or arthur?

psst: today's mood happened to be a happy one..

i just finished watching the latest episode of Merlin, to be more precise, the second last episode of the current season. (weep endlessly) after 40 minutes, i was like omg-ing around. i was also yelling at my laptop demanding why can't i watched the upcoming episode now. of course, my laptop told me to shut up and wait until next week to see the last episode (weep again) (a brief preview reveals that Lancelot and Gwaine will be included in a same episode for the first time, the reason i was yelling at my laptop in the first place)

a thought: are the producers mad? Arthur, Lancelot and Gwaine in the same episode? (totally drool-worthy as Najat or Yuin might say)

thoughts to myself: on a more personal level, i think watching merlin had led me to wasting my time like an idiot, for i became more interested in the Arthurian legends. when i became obsessed with something, i go all the way. so, in an attempt of trying to understand the legend, i read up quite a lot of nonsense about it on wiki. what i mean by nonsense is, apparently half of the knights of the round table were bastards, because, as it happened so, most knights were not as chivalrous as they ought to be,(the bastards fathers were also knights) the stories also narrates that arthur commited incest! yikesss! so unfit for a king! and he killed his bastard son, and was left with grave injury during his final battle with him (Le Morte d'Arthur).

it is also interesting how the girls in the legends are put at fault for some of the wrongdoings of the knights. example; Morgana was blamed for the incest with Arthur. Guinevere was almost burn at stake for her affairs with Lancelot. (shouldn't the knights be chivalrous and not go around seducing women? or at least reject when they are seduced by the wrong girls?) from what i understand, women was once told that they were the only reason Adam was expelled from heaven. i think all male writers during that time take the matter seriously and applied that knowledge quite well in their writings.

just read yourself, then you will understand. but in the first, please keep in your mind that this will be a total waste of your time. historians are still arguing if King Arthur really existed, since there are very few evidence suggesting so. until the proves revealed itself, we will just accept these tales as, well, tales. but, i am still interested.

so there you go, a total waste of your time reading blithering from my side.

but the question remains for Merlin the TV series fans, who is hotter; Lancelot, Gwaine or Arthur? don't worry, i will forgive you and love you all the same if you said it's The Dragon (hey, he spits fire, no?)

what i learn today

i realized today that;

'i don't understand my own damn mood swing.'

thus, i will proceed on with my life by not trying to understand the one happening to others.

10 things i will write about

the world is beautiful, but to find beauty in the midst of all things ugly, is truly challenging. but nevertheless, it is possible.

1. i can actually get a headache thinking about how un-prepared i am to face internship. today's accounting theory lecture was a pain in the brain.

2. i read (head counting) 7 romance novel, all authored by julia quinn in this month. that's a record i can never beat myself.

3. i find it annoying how i keep on reading a book, even though what i really want to do is sleep cause my eyes hurt too much and my head was spinning around constantly. still, i cannot stop reading. oh, did i mention that after the light goes off, i will creep in my bed and continue reading with the help of my phone torchlight. talks about determination. which will lead me to number 4

4. romance novels are so good. i am practically in love with them. but i am more in love with Benedict. i think i love him simply because he is the tallest Bridgerton. which leads me to five.

5. i don't exactly like reading romance novels prior to this, actually i rarely read one since after my form 1 days.

6. i thought about all the malay romance novels i read during my primary, which was sickly alike and until i reached a point where i actually declared, 'i will never ever again touch malay romance novels' and i never did since then, except for when someone throws me, (or more like i throw myself) into ramlee awang murshid book which was simply the best malay romance/thriller author i had read to date.

7. i must point out that, it was the only malay romance novel i read after my declaration of independence (of boring romance novels)

8. all of the above lead me to this point, you choose your own emotional state. if you choose to see the joy in life and be happy, you will be happy. if you choose to fret on your miseries and remain sad, you will be sad and unhappy and sad and unhappy.

9. really, everyone should read romance novels once in a while, maybe they will learn how to be happy.

10. because, simply, the world is full of unhappy people and they are spreading it at a phenomenal rate.

if you must know, i just finished reading 10 things i love about you last night. all the facts in number 3 were present. the book also inspired this post title.

until then.

when common courtesy is not so common.

i simply don't understand what's wrong with young people today. (i'm actually ancient old) common courtesy simply seems to be trivial and lacking among all of them. (again, i'm not young but old) i'm kind of super sick encountering behavior of disrespecting anyone who are lower than you, not as rich as you, not as educated as you, not as good looking as you? etc etc

situation 1: the cleaner and the 'i can throw rubbish anywhere, why-do-MMU-paid-the-cleaner-for?-let-them-do-some-work-damnit-'

you should understand by now of what i mean. some students, sadly my own friends, do this often. do you notice that? OFTEN. even after giving advice, they still @#$% do it. it appears that it is impossible to make some understand that your rubbish is your responsibility. besides that, your attitude towards rubbish, somehow also reflects you personality. so, the bin is further at the front, can you just walk some yards more to disposed it properly? oh, wait, this plastic is so freaking heavy is going to pull my arms down. pftt. there you go, throw it on the grass. (hey, we have the cleaner, remember?)

next thing you will see is shits everywhere in the toilet because, hey, my shit is not my responsibility. the cleaner will clean 'em all. MMU paid them hefty sum. let's make them work all the way.

situation 2: the male species in the LRT

i'm pretty sure most of us had at least once in our lifetime ride the LRT, or any local train if it matters. did you notice anything? yes. you did. the guys. (ok, SOME guys) with zero tolerance of women.

i actually thought God make our male counterpart a lot more stronger than we are? i am positive the answer is a YES. however, they seem to lose it all once they enter the train. witnessing that some of them will almost always steal all the empty seats and leave all the fairer gender standing up. worst of them will be those who actually saw an old lady or gentleman, a pregnant lady, and mother carrying kids standing up in the crowded small space and look away in a split second. all so that they could sit comfortably before arriving destination. sometimes i had the urge to scream !@#$% YOU! but i think, may conscience always act short before that. brush up guys, even though you are dead tired, practice some courtesy will you?

and what breaks my heart is instead of young men standing up offering their seats, to these special people, an old uncle will do it, or most of the time, another woman. young men nowadays are so screwed they don't even know how to act properly. seriously, this is not high expectation in men. it's common understanding and compassionate among human beings. which apparently, is dying at a very fast rate.

i guess lex luther install some kryptonites to crippled the guys in all trains.

situation 3: the late comers.

i am one of the many people who live with the concept 'my time is only for mine to waste, not yours', so when facing life trivial moment when you colleagues or friends seem to be joyfully wasting your time waiting for them to show up or finish something, my boiling point almost always exceed the maximum. as malaysians, many are still living the concept of the all wonderful malaysian timing system. which literally translate to 30 minutes or one hour after the actual time promise. i have come to the conclusion that in this case, it's a hopeless one. there are just too many disrespectful sapiens walking around wasting others time as if it is a God's given right to them. it's all just a big chunk of bull shit.

i suggest you leave the meeting place if they didn't show up after five minutes, and didn't bother to call to inform you about their late-coming. that's two crime on their plate.

situation 4: i-like-to-stare-until-my-eyes-disengaged from it's sockets.

so you have never seen a human in your life? you have to be kidding me. oh, you don't own a TV? you lived in antartica your whole life and there was only you there? ok, forgiven. so, stare. but just don't do it for too long until they took notice of it and starts to freak out or something. some people have this way of staring that will make the stare-receiver think that he or she had something really terrible on their face. or in the case if they had just committed some crime or sin, they will think you know it and the next thing you know, you are a dead person. yeah, you totally deserve that for staring at me.

ramadhan: the last ten days.

dear my sisters and brothers of faith, we are finally entering the last phase of Ramadhan, the last ten days will be here in 2 days. may Allah grant us time to see these days coming. so, what's the big deal about the last ten days of Ramadhan?

Chapter al-Qadr, verse 1 to 5

In the Name of Allah, the Benevolent, the Merciful.

1 Lo! We revealed it on the Night of Predestination.
2 Ah, what will convey unto thee what the Night of Power is!
3 The Night of Power has more blessings than a thousand months.
4 The angels and the Spirit descend therein, by the permission of their Lord, with all decrees.
5 (The night is) Peace until the rising of the dawn.

according to the ahadith, the Prophet was reported sayings as follow:

Verily this month has come to you; and therein is a night which is better than a thousand Months. Whosoever is deprived of it, is deprived of all good; and none is deprived of its good except a totally unfortunate person. (Ibn Majah)

Whosoever stands up (in prayer) at the Night of Power out of faith and hopeful of reward, all his past sins will be forgiven.(Targhib)

and on when exactly is the date of Laylatul Qadr, Aisha r.a reported that the Prophet said:

Search for the Blessed Night in the odd (nights) from the last ten (nights) of Ramadhaan (Bukhari).

Aisha also narrated that when asked on what should she said when she find Laylatul Qadr, the Prophet replied:

Al-laa-hum-ma in-na-ka ‘afoow-wan tu-hib-bul-’af wa fa-fu ‘an-ni.

O Allah! You are Forgiving, You love forgiveness, so forgive me. (Bukhari)

do you seriously think this is an offer to be missed?

one last additional tips: prepare your dua on what you want to ask from Allah, (write them down so you don't forget!) and ask from our Lord, Ar-Rahman, with the most sincere heart!

May Allah have mercy on all of us. May all of us find the Night of Power this year in the last ten days of Ramadhan. Ameen.

anger management

it seems like i snap quite instantaneously lately. it take only one nano second to pissed me off badly even though it is really, something small.

Allah help me.