September 7, 2012

Of young women and men, marriage and fear

This particular post was inspired by a friend’s discussion with her parents about the possibility of not getting married. She said it was not well received by her mum.

Another friend’s mum, was worried about her possibly not wanting to get married, judging from her cool (or cold) and passive exterior when the discussion of men is brought about. I can vouch for this one. It is not to be found shocking if anyone forms that kind of opinion about her.

On a personal note, I had once or thrice told my parent jokingly that I don’t want to get married. Their only response was ‘hishhh’ (as in the not believing kind of type) and a ‘karut je kamu ni’ (as in it has never been done in the humankind history type)

Also for your information, the first friend might have been serious, but the second friend said she has does want to get married. (and if possible to a handsome Kelantanese Malaysian student studying in the Middle East)

So, why exactly is a young woman finding it more and more difficult to attach herself to a man?

Let’s make a list of possibilities

  1. Fear of physical and emotional abuse
  2. Witness another woman break down in her marriage (mother, grandma, aunts, elder sister)
  3. High expectation of men
  4. Unreliable guy-friend. (Those who fail terribly with their club activities and class assignments) or a very bad previous relationships
  5. Fearing a stall in their career progression
  6. Fear of major sacrifices
I know there are plenty other reasons that are not mention here. But I believe that I am highlighting some of the most common reason (and they are sound ones!) given when a girl refuse or fear marriage. How exactly do you tackle such issues? How can we overcome these fear and move on to embrace a totally different kind of life?

How do you know you are marrying the right person? We are in a modern world where we can cheat one another off by displaying a certain exterior appearance. Online appearance can never be trusted.
Some might suggest asking our parents to check on his character. But, our parent can be deceived too. And then what will happen? What if he smoke and nobody knew about it until after the vow is taken? What will happen to you who swears you hate all smokers or what if you are allergic to cigarettes smoke? 

Can you undo what you have done?


InkFlow said...

How can you know?
Answer: You don't.

Well, in my opinion I live life with the firm belief that I'm responsible for my decisions. Be it university or jobs or friends (even if said decision was reached based on the opinions of others).
This belief applies to marriage decisions as well (at least for me).
When ppl ask do you want to get married? I just say que sera sera.
I mean no use fussing over a bridge that's not there yet.
Sure we can ponder and ponder but no use making a sound decision now when the need has not yet shown itself.

For every choice we make, own up to it. For everything else that's uncertain, leave them to Allah S.W.T..

Food for thought.

delete this comment if you find it offensive in anyway.

-adibah- said...

hahah! i lap u bebeh. you are right. i meant to write a follow up about making the best decision and leaving it all up to Allah. that's tawakkal. the prophet taught us that. may Allah ease everything for us. :D